I bet he comes in French.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
