dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
two words...techno handjob
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
