Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
