Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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