i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
