So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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