just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
