i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
