Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
