What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
