She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize