I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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