So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
