The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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