I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
