so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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