i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
