how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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