i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
