This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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