She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
