I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
