I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
