Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
