apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
