Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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