her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
