I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
