So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
