If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
