you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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