I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
