I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
