He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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