help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
