I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
