we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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