i was born a porn star she said
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
