you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
