If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
