oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
