What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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