To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
