you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize