you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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