My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
