Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
