i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
