My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
