she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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