I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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