I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Will you blow on my dice?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
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there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
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I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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