I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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