So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
