Im at strip club and am horny
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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