youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
