He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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