just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
