3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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