Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
