Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
