If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize