i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
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Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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