watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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