I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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