how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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